Jan 15

New Rule: No Texting Until the Third Date

As I’ve started dating more, I’ve been noticing a trend that I’m finding is one of my most monumental turn-offs to date.

I just met you. You seem cool and I want to get to know you better, so I ask you out, or agree when you ask me out. We exchange numbers and figure out a time and date over text, and then… the conversation keeps going.

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Jul 19

Shcrodinger’s Rapist: You’re WRONG.

Okay. There’s this article. It’s called Schrodinger’s Rapist, and it endeavors to explain to men that women don’t know whether or not a strange man is a rapist until… well, he rapes her. It uses the popular thought experiment of Schrodinger’s Cat to illustrate this.

Let me just say, it’s a great article and should be required reading for anyone trying to get their Feminist Card.


People. You need to stop using Schrodinger’s thought experiment in vain. I’ve seen it happen a lot, and it’s wrong and stupid. The point of Schrodinger’s Cat is not “We don’t know if the cat is alive until we prove it.” That’s kind of exactly the opposite of the point.

Okay. I’ll explain. In very simplified terms.

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Nov 28

No, no. I don’t do cabbages.

So if you’ve seen any Avatar: The Last Airbender, you probably have seen at least one variation of the poor cabbage merchant getting his wares utterly destroyed.

My Cabbages!

Ever wonder what happened to that poor guy? I mean, obviously he didn’t really cut it selling produce.  Here’s my theory. That guy? That very same cabbage merchant? He somehow got into fashion design.

Everywhere I go, no matter what I seem to be shopping for–regardless if it’s a shirt, a belt, even jewelry–it’s cabbages, cabbages, cabbages!

Now you may be saying, “Karma, those aren’t cabbages, those are flowers.”

Oh are they, my friend? ARE THEY? No. Flowers are meant to be beautiful, delicate even–there is a kind of grace to most flowers. These have no grace. These are large clumsy ruffle things that look like someone pulled it directly from the cabbage patch only to attach it to a piece of clothing. And frankly, I’m sick of it.

I go shopping for an evening gown. BAM! Cabbage. I grab a hat for the winter. Cabbage! Don’t even get me started on the broaches and hair bows! Nothing but cabbages. And we don’t need your stinkin’ cabbages.
Where have all the simple/clean cuts gone? I don’t need to hide behind all this froofaluh. It’s hard to find something that isn’t overly gathered or doesn’t have a giant cabbage stuck on it.  It’s a wee frustrating. However, when examining an otherwise lovely garment–examine how the cabbage is attached. Very often one may remove it with just one tiny snip of a thread. Why? Because those things are seriously thrown on as an afterthought. A horribly stupid afterthought.

…Also, please enjoy shoes that not even Bayonetta would wear:

Nov 22

In these shoes? I don’t think so…

I once met a man with a sense of adventure

He was dressed to thrill wherever he went

He said “Let’s make love on a mountain top

Under the stars on a big hard rock”

I said “In these shoes?

I don’t think so”

-In These Shoes, Kirsty MacColl

Since ladies entered the ‘butt-kicking ring’ they’ve had some pretty interesting attire, I will grant you that. In an attempt to keep a heroine feminine and often ‘sexy’, costume designers and comic book artists alike have made some pretty impractical choices. There is one staple of these outrageous duds however that I will always defend: The heel.

I am absolutely sick of hearing the criticism, “You can’t do that in heels!”

To these people I say THIS!

Why am I so adamant that this view is wrong? Well let me explain. If you’re saying “running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on make-up while you’re up there” (Eddie Izzard, Dressed to Kill) isn’t possible in heels, you are probably suffering from one of the following: A) You don’t know how to move in heels, B) You’re buying the wrong heels.

If you don’t know how to move in heels, it’s all a matter of practice. Practice, practice, practice. Remember that it’s toe-to-heel, not heel-to-toe like how you would walk normally. It’s a completely gear shift when it comes to the locomotion of movement, so it’s okay if you haven’t quite perfected it yet. Most weight should be distributed to the balls of your feet. If you can feel your heel shake when you walk–you need to shift your weight distribution. If you have access to a full length mirror, as silly as it sounds, walking in front of it to keep an eye on your ankles is pretty helpful! Something to remember is when running you are usually completely on the balls of your feet anyway!

As for finding the right heels? I grew up with the philosophy of never buying a pair of shoes I can’t run in. So here are things I’ve learned to consider:

1. Height – This is pretty much a no-brainer. Heels come in all different heights and you should NEVER buy a pair that’s taller than what you’re comfortable with. Work your way up to those 6-inchers. Stand on the balls of your feet. It’s usually wise to stick to a shoe that doesn’t raise your foot higher than that–otherwise you’ll be thrown off balance. If you’re looking for more height but less strain on your arch, try looking into something with a bit of a platform to it. An extra inch without pitching your center of gravity quite as forward.

Go-Go Boots tend to be a good example of this rule. Heel height varies but even the lower of the spectrum engages the calf in a way that gives it that great shape you get with heels.

2. Width – Walking around on a pin-point is not only difficult, it’s uncomfortable–plus you run that fantastic risk of breaking the heel itself or worse, your ankle. So it’s always a good plan to consider the width of the heel. The more surface area of the shoe, the more balanced you’re likely to feel.
In this respect wedge heels are a rather handy weapon to have. You have height and elegance but still relatively the same surface area connecting to the ground as you would with a normal shoe.
Width is also important because it will add to the stability of the heel. When purchasing a pair of heels, always grip the heel and make sure it’s attached firmly to the shoe regardless of how thick it is.

3. Tread – Shoes need traction–and I don’t just mean those little rubber pads you can buy separately and stick on the bottom of your dress shoes, I mean actual treads. More and more I’ve been seeing women’s shoes that actually have traction and thus eliminate that worry of slipping on carpet and falling on your rear–or face, if you’re like me and prone to the least graceful of pratfalls. If you can’t visually tell if a shoe has good tread–and sometimes you can’t–put them on and try to slide your feet in them. If they don’t move easily–or at all–then they make a good grip with the floor–which means they won’t slide from beneath you when you’re taking down that gang of Two-Face’s Goons.

4. Security – By security, of course, I mean “How does this shoe secure to your feet?” Straps, laces, doesn’t matter–however it latches on, it needs to do so as firmly as possible. A shoe that slips off your heel or has an ankle strap with too much give means you run the risk of your foot contorting inside the shoe, or the shoe getting out of alignment with the bottom of your foot–which means injury, injury, injury! So be sure when you try them on to raise your foot and give them a shake. How much does the shoe move around? This is usually easiest to tell when sitting down.

5. Comfort – Of course this is a factor. Just because it’s a nice shoe doesn’t mean it should be uncomfortable! Will you be wearing socks/tights/nylons with it? Is it comfortable with that kind of attire–is it comfortable barefoot. Don’t ignore little pinches! Yes, all shoes need to be broken in a little but those little pinches won’t go away with time! You should never sacrifice your poor tootsies just because you think a shoe is pretty. We’ve all done it–let’s put a stop to it.

The key really just to make sure you try on the shoes before buying them–which yes, we all do–but when you try them on–actually try them! Can you jump? Do you feel like you’re going to slip? How do you have to adjust to stand comfortably? They’re simple enough rules but people tend to forget them. But if you keep them in mind and remember they aren’t just for looks, soon you too will have a shoe collection that one of our masked mademoiselles would envy!

Then I met an Englishman
“Oh” he said
“Won’t you walk up and down my spine,
It makes me feel strangely alive.”
I said “In these shoes?
I doubt you’d survive.”

-In These Shoes, Kirsty MacColl

Nov 08

ROFLtastic Propaganda Roundup

No really — I’m at a loss for words. Maybe it’s because I’m still laughing hysterically over these videos and if I don’t shut up soon, I’m going to wet myself. OMG COMMUNIST RICKROLL!!!


Nov 03

The Grace of Being the Bad Guy

It just happens sometimes. You’re in a relationship—whether it be romantic, familial, or just friendly—and things are going well. Until they’re really not. Suddenly the other person loathes you for no reason you can figure out and they’re blaming you for all their problems. At some point you may hear their gripes second-hand from a mutual friend, or in an enraged drunken 3am text, when you find out all the unforgivable things you’ve done to this person.

The only possible reaction you’re capable of is, “I… but… you… That is not how that happened at all!

It’s a frustrating situation to be in. But could anything good ever come out of being cast as the villain?

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Oct 26

All for One and One for all! (Unless you’re Player 2)

Our wedding cake topper as created by Peanut.

Here’s my problem (or rather my Life Co-oper’s) with this game and many other co-op games in general: Player 2 gets no acheivements. Granted she isn’t as bad an acheivement whore as I am, but it still feels nice to get rewarded for playing the game.

For most games it seems to be a problem of only player one having a save file, the Dynasty Warrior series is a great example of that. It doesn’t matter how many Yellow Turbans you kill, Player one gets all the glory. Why is that? It almost removes the will of player 2 to play the games because he/she gets nothing out of it acheivement wise.

The Lego games supposrt 2 player acheivements despite having only one save file, but it will not remember the second player unless the whole acheivement is accomplished in on e single playthrough. For example, the Hero acheivement in Lego Batman which you get (25G) for completing the first episode. Player two cannot get the acheivement unless they are in the game from when the missions start until they are completed. Your controller gets disconnected for a secong? You’re shit out of luck. Other acheivements such as Kill-A-Moth (20G) are more forgiving because all you have to do is be there when it happens.

Games like Boderlands are fantastic for both players because it makes everything better. Both players have their own save files, so if you wantr to play on your own for a while, that’s ok. She might miss some GS, but it’s not like she will never get anything else during game play ever again.

Game companies should allow player 2 to get acheivemetns too, after all, most of the time, they are carrying half the load, and getting (sometimes) half the kills.

On a side note, a great source for finding good co-op games to play with your favorite Co-Oper is C0-Optimus.com. The site is a great reference tool for anyone who wants to find out what are the good games out there that will alllow you to play with along with your best buddy/wife/hubby/housemate or whatever else your into.It has been an invaluable tool for me and the Life C0-oper since the day I plugged my Flash drive into her USB port. Oh yeah.

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