Jun 10

Advice Time Nao: Cowboy up

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Ethernet flogger by feralswirl


Dear Peanut,

I’m an attractive geek girl. There’s this guy I’ve been sort-of-not-really-yes-really dating for a couple months that will not take any of my hints that I want to have sex with him. We make out a lot, we’ve shared a bed wearing just underwear, and occasionally I climb on top of him in an attempt to grind some sense into him, but nothing! I’m the kind of girl who wants the guy to take charge, so I don’t want to be any more forward than I have been, but he’s not taking my hints and I’m out of moves.

I really want him to seduce me, but he just won’t get with the program. I’m leaving the country in a month and don’t want him to become one of the big what-ifs of my life. What should I do?


TLDR: He’s more afraid of you than you are of him. Or maybe he has syphilis!

For a little more eloquence,

Lingerie sleepovers? When you hint you really hint. Do keep in mind however that when it comes to matters of the pants, even the strongest hints can sometimes just be crossed wires. He might assume all of it is platonic and that you’re just really comfortable around him, like a gay best friend or a brother figure.

There are a million reasons for a person not to engage sex, but really only one good reason to go for it. He might have an STD that he doesn’t want to disclose or expose. He might not be attracted to you. He might have a birthmark on his penis that looks like Count Chocula about which he’s mortified, or weirdly ginger pubes.

Most likely by far, however, he’s just afraid that he’s reading the signals wrong and as soon as he makes a move you’ll be outraged and never speak to him again. It’s a common irrational fear that many people never get past. Never underestimate it.

As long as you yourself can get over that same fear (admit it, that’s part of the reason you want him to be the one to engage) then just cowboy up and put your Communication Panties on. Don’t beat around the bush*. You want to have sex with him? Tell him, “I want to have sex with you.” You want him to seduce you? Tell him, “I want to have sex with you, but I really like it when a guy pursues me.  If you try to seduce me, I may play a little hard to get at first, but I give you my word that you will succeed. Okay go!”

Yes, there’s a small chance he’ll say no, but if he’s already consenting to make out sessions and near-naked sleepovers, chances are he’s been sending the same signals you have and desperately hoping you’ll pick up.


*Unless you’re into that.

Have a question? Ask me anything. peanutbee@gvl.com


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