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Aug 18

Your Kink is not My Kink.

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“Your kink is not my kink.” It’s a phrase you’ll hear a lot in the sex-positive community, usually used in much the same way a white person might say, “I don’t want to sound racist, but…” It’s a caveat that you put in front of an offensive statement when you don’t want people to think less of you.

I was in the community about three months before I realized that wasn’t the entire phrase. The whole thing goes, “Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.”

TL;DR It really is okay. It’s just not always okay to act on some kinks.

It’s difficult to be accepting of every type of sick fuck in this world, even when you yourself are a sick fuck. People are different from you and that can be frightening and confusing. I for one will try a whole lot of things most people wouldn’t, but find sex in the shower utterly horrifying. I’ll try not to judge you if you think shower sex is hot, but uh… your kink is not my kink.

The main problem with judging other people’s kinks is that people don’t choose their kinks. No one has ever woken up one morning and said, “Hmm, you know what would be super fun? If I got off on getting peed on. I’m going to work on enjoying that!” Just like no one chooses to be gay, sexual response is something that develops naturally and beyond a person’s control.

Some kinks are gross. Poop. Vomit. Lady Gaga. That’s okay; you don’t have to participate in them! Don’t judge people for liking them.

Some kinks are illegal. Prostitution. Oral and anal sex in certain places. Consensual abuse in certain places. As long as everything remains safe, sane, and consensual, these don’t harm a soul and can be very beneficial to some. No judging.

Some kinks are immoral. Pedophilia. Beastiality. Anything nonconsensual. Those are absolutely not okay to act on, even if a person can’t help but have them. Chemical castration may be the answer. You can judge a little.

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