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Sep 12

Forever Banned From the Closet!

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You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Ah, it does appear to be that time again, doesn’t it?

The sad thing about these articles is I never actually plan to write them. I go out, wander through a mall with the intent to add things to my closet and then monstrosities leap out from the racks, begging me to warn everyone. Designers have gone mad with power, I tell you. Mad! It’s like a sick game of trying to figure out what mish-mash eyesore they can get the public to chase after.

Today’s Culprit? Forever 21.

(The sweater pictured on the left is actually from H&M but it was too good not to use for this article.)

Now if you’ve heard anything about the way this company handles business, you may be like me and not shop there anyway. If you haven’t, I suggest you take a look at this article by Awakened Aesthetic, an ethical fashion blog brought to you by the same ladies behind Broke & Beautiful.

Now if the ugly, underhanded, and unethical business practices of this clothing store is not enough to dissuade you, let me remind what kind of fashion they peddle.

Take a good hard look at the way this mannequin has been clothed.

1. Romper – Admittedly, I’m a little bias–I hate rompers with a fiery passion. However, let’s ignore my vehemence and focus on the fact that this is clearly summer wear.

2. Plaid Shirt – Okay… this may have possibly been okay (if it was worn with anything BUT a romper).

3. Chewbacca vest. Okay… Fake fur? Or real fur, I don’t care which. Please use it responsibly. Do not throw it on any piece of clothing and assume it’s going to be okay. Because this? This essence of Kashyyyk going on here? This is not okay! Also how did we get from ‘let’s romp in the sun’ to ‘trudging through Hoth-like snow storms’ clothing in the same outfit?

4. Faux leather jacket – since you were stupid enough to wear a romper in what I can only assume is freezing temperatures, your plaid shirt and wookie wear is not enough to keep you warm.

Simple lesson about clothing: If it looks stupid on the freaking mannequin, it is not going to look any better on you.

Though I think as a general rule, you probably shouldn’t trust a store that carries an entire brand that unapologetically sports hipster glasses as part of their logo.

“Psh, I was attached to this piece of clothing before you even knew it existed.”

…Huh, you know that actually works disturbingly well. Can picture that quite clearly.

The truly sad thing about this store is that it was FULL of articles of clothing that made my eyes bleed–I just only have a limited amount of time and space to show you some of them.

Now we all know I’m not the biggest fan of sequins…

But I’m genuinely confused by this shirt. The only time you caught glimpse of these things was when the light hit them directly and even then it had little pizazz. Isn’t that the point of sequins? Flamboyancy? This shirt was less flamboyant and more “I’m a poor excuse for plate mail”. +.0001 to armor if you roll a natural 20?


If Bill Cosby gave up Jell-0, Charlie Brown gained some ambition and they went into designing clothing together–this would be one of their sweaters!

It would be called “The Good Grief” and would be the first in a long line of sweater vests that mothers would force their unwilling children into before toting them off to church or dinner with Grandma.

Then Forever 21 would rip off that design, use child labor to make it and sell it to teenagers who feel they need to dress like their wardrobe is out of the dime-bin at the thrift store in order to be seen as the ‘deep thinkers’ they are.

“How do we make three fashion faux pas in one shirt?” Said a designer to his assistant. “I was thinking transparent cheetah print, but I think it needs more.”

“What if we added a pocket or flocked the cheatah print?” came the reply from the peroxide blonde with the vacant stare.

“Brilliant!” Said the designer. “Your knack for the completely hideous is enchanting, darling, let’s get married and adopt starving children that we’ll neglect and let the nannies raise!”

Thus was the beginnings of the flocked cheetah print shirt with transparent olive fabric…

Interesting fabric. Kinda like a curtain, right?

So why the hell were they made into PANTS?

So, there you have it. They more or less sell their souls to make really unattractive clothing. And before you say, “Well yeah, but they have an occasional cool piece”–let me stop you. I guarantee you can not only find that one article of clothing you like somewhere else–but it will be better made.

Of course to each their own. But for me? Forever 21 is pretty much forever banned from my closet.

2 comments

  1. Evie Belin

    Every article of clothing featured in this post also has a disturbingly lumpy shape. Even the gratuitous layering an the mannequin.. I guarantee you it’s all pinned up in the back. I can hardly even go into that store because of the smell of poor quality fabrics, but in the interest of full disclosure.. I do have one t shirt from there which they accidentally made perfectly. But other than that… I pity the marketing person who had to get some company to buy those “pants.”

    Also.. am I just l33tspeak challenged here or is anyone else having trouble making a sensible word out of “H81″? I love hate one? I love H-eighty one?

  2. Amy Idea

    I’m having a slight problem right here. I would like to get a good phone and cannot make up my mind on which one to choose. To begin with, i thought of the Nokia E71, which my friend has. It looks quite durable, and everything seemed cool, but then i started researching other phones. Now my biggest dilemma is deciding between the Nokia X3 and the Samsung B3310. All suggestions are welcome

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