Jul 09

[Redacted] Concept – I Ain’t Afraid

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The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts.

Ever since I first saw Ghostbusters, I’ve been fascinated by several ideas:

Regardless of what the source of this picture says, I still think it's cool.

  • A particle accelerator small enough to fit on ones back…what about a nuclear reactor?
  • What would happen if I cross the streams?
  • Are there really ghosts?
  • If there are, can you catch one?

Well, the nuclear reactor one is simply a matter of time.  Several companies are building nuclear reactors that could power a home (like Toshiba).  If you really wanted to, and felt like breaking some laws, you could build one yourselfHell, there was a kid that did it in his backyard.  The stuff is cool and all, and I may have toyed around with it myself, but it’s still not something that could be considered portable and it’s a long way from being in a backpack.

The view from inside a particle accelerator

A particle accelerator, sure.  You could build one into a back pack.  Getting it to throw out anything through the “Neutrona wand” would be more difficult.  The thought behind this is that the high energy collisions of positrons within the accelerator would come out the proton gun, and those charged particles would dissipate the psychokinetic energy of the apparition.  OK, so let’s assume this is how it works for a second…you wouldn’t get that awesome looking wobbly beam, it’d be a very steady linear beam of particles.  Not nearly as cinematic.

Now you’ve got your beam, what happens when you cross them?  According to Egon, you get “total protonic reversal” where all life as you know it stops and every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light.  Umm…the hell does that mean?  You’re basically exposing a linear particle accelerator to the environment.  Sure, there’s a possibility that you’ll end up with tiny black holes, but that is HIGHLY unlikely.  You’ll probably end up with radiation and some explosions. It’d be pretty.

Next up, ghosts.  The philosophical question that comes out of the existence of ghosts is what exactly are we, as human beings.  Yes, we’re a compilation of chemicals forming chunks of flesh and bone, but what causes cognitive thought?  Electrical impulses between brain cells causing a biochemical reaction?  Sure, seems reasonable.  Well, if this is the case, there’s the possibility that you’ll leave behind residual energy, or that your brainwaves synced up with the surrounding area.  Your cognative abilites would be left behind, echoing your thought processes after your body has stopped doing stuff on its own.  Certainly not the most poetic way to look at it, and ignores any theological implications.  I like that.

So, if the cognative ability and electromagnetic echoes are left imprinted on an area, this would most certainly give the ability to make noises, interact with things, and be seen.  This could be problematic for people trying to reside in these locations, so the business proposition of getting rid of “ghosts” could work.  But a proton pack and a trap?

Here’s the way I see it:  Stay away from electronics.  You watch a ghost hunter (more approriately ghost irritator or ghost recorder) show, and they have their batteries run out of juice or their recording equipment get all wonkie. Tesla help me for what I’m about to say, go back to the age of mechanical power.  If you can convert things to being wind-up, go for it.  Cameras?  Pull out an old Brownie camera, and suck it up and bring the negatives to Costco or something so you can get them developed.  Use a wax tube for recording sounds.  Go old school, you’ll reduce the amount of interference.  It’ll give you the closest to…i suppose “true results” would be appropriate.  At least you’ll know it isn’t your equipment fucking up.

Now, the last two things…how do you capture a ghost?  Record it.  If it’s electromagnetic, you should be able to capture it on a tape.  Then, you could play it back somewhere else.  Ghost bomb.  Just think of the prank potential there.  And how do you kill a ghost?  Wipe it out with an EMP.  This is also a good argument for having mechanical equipment.  Mechanically driven, store the energy in a ceramic capacitor.  That way your ghost busting won’t break your gear.

Well, good luck bumping back against that which bumps in the night.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my lab.  Send down some blue milk.

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