Jul 08

Peanut’s Kinky Lexicon (Abridged)

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Like any subculture, kink has its own special language. The ever-changing terms can be confusing and hard to follow even to those active in the community.  Today I am here to give you my definitions of some words you may be unfamiliar with or have misconceptions about. Use them to impress and disturb your friends!

TL:DR I define some lesser known sexual identities, some alternative relationship models, and some basic kinky stuff.

First a note. All the words below are as close as I could get to the most universally agreed upon definitions, but everyone will have their own spin on them. If you feel I’ve excluded an important nuance of a word, disagree with my definitions, or just plain don’t understand what I’m talking about, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment.


Heteronormative: The absolute, no deviation, socially accepted vision of heterosexuality and all its trappings.

Queer: A blanket term for all non-heteronormative sexualities, including everything listed below and any kinky leanings.

Pansexual: No gender preference. Man, woman, transgender, gender queer; keep going down the list and they’ll keep nodding.

Asexual: No sexual attraction. Commonly misconceived as having no libido, many asexual-identified people enjoy and even desire sex, despite a lack of sexual attraction to their partners. (Often shortened to Ace.)

Heteroflexible: Straight for all intents and purposes, but wouldn’t have a major life crisis if they found themselves attracted to a person of the same sex.

Polyamory: A blanket term for anything that is not monogamy. More specifically can be used to mean an open relationship, the rules or which vary but are agreed upon by all partners. (Remember, if they aren’t agreed upon by all partners, it’s called cheating!)

Triad: Like a couple, but with three people instead of two. Open triads allow for all partners to have other partners outside of the triad. Closed triads are polyfidelitous.

Polyfidelity: More than two people are involved in the relationship, but none of the people involved accept new partners. Like monogamy with more people!

Unicorn: A young, attractive, bisexual female seeking a couple for casual encounters. Called a unicorn because they’re incredibly rare and one must be pure of mind and body to catch one.

Transgender: A blanket term for anyone outside of heteronormative gender limits. It’s often used interchangeably with transsexual, but transgender also includes cross dressers, gender queers, and anyone else who doesn’t identify solely as male or female.

Transsexual: One who feels they were born the wrong sex and seeks out medical correction for that problem.

Gender Queer: Identifies as no gender.

Gender Fucker: Identifies as all genders.

Safeword: A predetermined signal word. Doesn’t always mean stop; red, yellow, and green can be used to mean stop, slow down, and oh my god do that more. Safewords should be easy to remember in times of high stress but not something that would come up in conversation. The universally recognized safewords are Safeword and Red; scream one of those on a busy street and every kinkster within a three-block radius will run to your aid.

Top/Bottom: One does things. The other has things done to them. Otherwise, there are no power dynamics between partners; often the bottom is the one calling the shots, telling the top to hit them harder or slow the hell down. Generally does not extend outside of scenes.

Dom/Domme/submissive: Power dynamics are in play. The Dom is in charge, the submissive takes orders and whatever else the Dom wants to dish out. The sub can say to slow down but the Dom doesn’t have to listen (unless a safeword is called.) Generally extends outside of scenes in small ways, like the sub being delegated to do the grocery shopping or shine the Dom’s boots. (A Dom is a male Dominant. A Domme is a female Dominant. Domme is pronounced the same as Dom; don’t pronounce it “Dom-ay” or people will laugh at you.)

Master/slave: Power dynamics are central to the relationship. Almost always extends beyond play and flavors every aspect of both partner’s lives. In some cases safewords are banned and the sub has to rely solely on trust that the Master will not push their limits too hard.

D-type: Generic term for Tops/Doms/Dommes/Masters for when you don’t want to use up your monthly quota of slashes just to be inclusive.

s-type: Generic term for bottoms/submissive/slaves.

The capitalization thing: You may notice some pretty funky grammatical choices when reading anything kink related. As a general rule, D-types like to always be proper nouns to prove that They are better than you. I’m not sure how s-types feel about being common nouns, but it doesn’t really matter because they do what they’re told.

Play: Can mean pretty much any activity two kinksters can get up to. Can mean sex, making out, flogging, non-sexual bondage, what the hell ever. Vanilla people fool around: kinky people play.

Scene: The period of time in which two or more people play. Limits are negotiated beforehand and sometimes people discuss what they expect or want out of a scene. Often can be used interchangeably with play. Playing is the action and the scene is the context.


And finally, a bonus definition, freshly coined in the Seattle scene just this month!

Fainting goat: An s-type who passes out in the middle of a scene.


  1. BondageMatt

    Regarding that Capitalization thing. I wouldn’t come close to saying that even most D-types care about referring to s-types by common nouns. I think you’d find it’s much more common on Master/Slave type relationships, or in D/S based relationships.

    Not to mention, at least specifically among rope tops (who have a reputation for being just a little, teensy, weensy, almost microscopicly OCD about things), the capitalization is actually kinda annoying. And for grammar-nazi bottoms.

  2. Adaze

    *ahem* Like this grammar-nazi bottom. He knows I would never, ever, ever strangle the English language because he has a God complex.

    Annnnnd, unfortunately my dear, I think the “fainting goat” definition only applies to the two of us… courtesy of dear shatteredplaster.

  3. PeanutBee

    Adaze! Shush! I’m trying to make fainting goat a thing. It’ll take some of the pressure off us when all the tops want a fainting goat of their own.

    The grammar thing annoys me too, which is why I included it. Maybe it isn’t a prevalent as I think and I notice it more because it bugs the crap out of me.

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