Jul 26

Shark Week nom noms

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The mythology of “cute sharks” prevail. People say “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” I make the case for the pathologization of loving large, deadly and wild animals as a contrast to the irrational fear of small insects.


Hang onto your limbs–Shark Week starts Sunday.

The problem with having a fascination for deadly creatures is that when an entity as fine as Discovery Channel (formerly “The Discovery Channel“) decides to showcase the finest, jaw-dropping footage of sharks swimming about and biting away, you often end up sitting on your ass for hours at a time in front of the tube, drooling.

That, at least, is my experience.

This problem of course lends itself to the terrible gamer plague: To eat healthy or not to eat healthy? (Psst: Time to find a human skull and look at it with the fiercest intensity!) In an effort to keep my fat ass from getting any fatter–for the good of all gamers–I have procured a sweet (but healthy) snack recipe that will get your mouth watering and fuel your appetites so you can enjoy the sharks rather than become one.

Note: See how easy the recipe is? I don’t cook. Therefore, if I can prepare this dish, you all can. Solidarity!


Shark Fin Pita Crisps



– Whole-wheat pita

– Grated Parmesan cheese

– Dried oregano


1. Lightly blanket the whole-wheat pita with 2 tablespoons of grated Parmesan.

2. Sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano over the whole-wheat pita and Parmesan. Look, you’re already adding more garnish to your food than a shark. How lovely.

3. Broil (Note: There is an “r” in this word, so one would be wise to not confuse it with “boil”) the pita until the cheese is lightly browned.

4. Slice the pita into quarters. Carve out some shark teeth if you feel like living dangerously, or if you simply feel more festive than usual.


Happy Shark-Week-ing! Now go check out jumping sharks.

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