Geek vs Life

**Begin Transmission**

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I recall my childhood with much more vigor than I’m experiencing now. Transformers, for example, is something that I totally dug when I was little, even on through high school watching Beast Wars. On the July 2, the world is once again set to be crushed by giant robots/various modes of transportation.

Jon says:

July 2? Really? All the posters till last week all said July 4th like here: Transformers Original Poster

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Well, the official website* and fandango all say the second…

Jon says:

Actually Fandango says July 3rd, but you can purchase tickets for the 8pm screening on July 2.

Jon says:

*Announcement* Check your local listings for release date. For some reason, I think they don’t even know

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Well, with the excitement aside, let’s move on to the review.

Jon says:

It does seem to mirror the movie though doesn’t it? Lack of direction and aimless?

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

At least it was pretty.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Like most commercials.

Jon says:

Pretty was all this movie had going for it.

Jon says:

For readers who were born past the 80’s heydays of the Transformers/ G.I. Joe hour, here is a very basic premise outline.

Jon says:

Sentient robot beings come to earth in search of something. In the cartoon they are looking for energy for their ship, and in the movie they are searching for a mysterious cube called the “Spark”. The Autobots are lead by Optimus Prime and come to Earth to prevent the Decepticons spear headed by Megatron from taking the spark and ruling the universe.

Jon says:

So basically the oldest story in the book: good guys versus bad guys.

Jon says:

Except that the giant robots can turn into cars and tanks amongst other things.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Ahh, yes. The dichotomy of good and evil. A slew of GM cars/trucks versus a rather well put together troupe of armed vehicles.

Jon says:

This movie should be free on the grounds that we felt that we sat through a 2 hour and 20 minute long commercial.

Jon says:

Let’s make a list of blatant product placement shall we?

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

We shall: eBay, Ding Dongs, Mountain Dew, Xbox, Nokia, and of course General Motors.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

The plot, on the other hand was far less robust.

Jon says:

I would dare say that the plot was so thin, that two five year olds were left in a room with GiJoes and Transformers, recorded on videotape and later used to form a script.

Jon says:

It’s really sad to say that the cartoon, meant as a marketing ploy to sell more toys to children had a better plot.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Nearly 2 and a half hours of bad humor (save for a couple of decent chuckles), a script that tried so hard to make us feel sympathy for characters, and a love story so poorly put together that most soap opera seem intelligent.

Jon says:

The kid, Sam (Shia LaBeouf), even had a pet chihuahua with a leg in a cast. Nothing smells more like a sympathy ploy than putting a cast on a dog.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

And nothing says romance like Sam bargaining to erase the shadowy past of Mikaela (Megan Fox), the love of his life that he’s only been talking to for a few days and whom didn’t know who he was as she hops in his car.

Jon says:

Mind you, he did have that look of disgust when he found out she went to juvie. You can say that I just blew a spoiler here, but it doesn’t matter.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

No, story isn’t what this movie had. It had big robots and lots of explosions.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

98 percent of the time, The Transformers were done really well, and the attention to detail was wonderful.

Jon says:

Except personally, I couldn’t tell the difference between any of them once they were in robot mode. Well except for Optimus with the big truck windows on his chest and Bumblebee being yellow and all.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

It was rather difficult to tell which was which, even though they did look different.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

It was really easy to lose track of who was fighting who as huge balls of metal are rolling down the freeway.

Jon says:

Very true.

Jon says:

All in all, I think the movie is an orgy of cool visual effects, but like almost any porn, it totally lacks a story.

Jon says:

Anything else to add?

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I think that about sums it up. It was neither exceptional, nor horrible. It was pretty but lackluster.

Jon says:

I feel used though. I feel like GM should have given me a paycheck for watching this commercial/movie

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I’m writing our bill to them as we speak.

Jon says:

Excellent. I will take mine in the form of a transforming road racer, I shall call him, Hot Shot.

**End Transmission**

(post transmission: “Starscream didn’t have his whinny voice. That was blasphemy. Damn you Michael Bay.” -Jon)

See the non trailer here:

Our sincerest apologies, but due to unforeseen circumstances, the Transformers movie review will be delayed until tomorrow evening.

In video format, here is a quick preview of our Transformers review, enjoy.

J&J

We’re at 3 days away from July right now, a July that means big things for fans of a certain series.

July 11th marks the release of the movie “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” and July 21st marks the release of the book “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.” Both are events that many fans are looking forward to, but is the product worth the hype?

Let’s take a look at the movie first.

“Order of the Phoenix” is the fifth movie in the series, and there’s a lot of hopes and expectations on this film. Looking back at the previous 4 films will tell us why.

“Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” (forgive me, the FMA fan in me requires the proper name and not the US version) was a good movie. Like all movie versions of films, much was cut out, moved around, or flat-out changed. However, the final product was something that both fans and non-fans could enjoy. Likewise, “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” was the same. I’ll even go so far as to admit that while I am definitely not a fan of the book version, I have no problems with the movie version.

With “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” third installment in the series, we get a new director, and an obvious new feel to the films. The movie is much darker than the first two, something that may not have seemed as much of a difference had the second movie been a little darker than the first, as the descent into darkness is much more gradual in the books. There were a few major things I objected to in the movie (some in storytelling, some in filmmaking, and then the fact that Lupin looked more like a rabid monkey than a wolf…), but I wouldn’t call it a bad movie.

Then came “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.” I would not call this a good movie in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I would even go so far as to call it a piece of crap. I’m sure no one wants to hear what could be a rather lengthy rant on not only how a fan of the books cannot possibly enjoy this movie, as well as how the movie was poorly made, making it hard for any intelligent, educated person to enjoy it, but let’s just say that I was bored enough in the theater to reach into my bag and fill an entire page of yellow legal pad with changes from the book. Bear in mind that I hadn’t read the book in around a year at that point. And I have yet to watch the movie again, despite the fact that my mom owns it.

So this brings us to movie 5. “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” is a LOT darker than the previous books. I mean, it started to get dark at the end of “Goblet of Fire,” but that doesn’t even compare to “Order of the Phoenix.” “Order” does have a new director, as well as composer, but considering everything that was cut (presumably due to time constraints) from the rather lengthy “Goblet,” and the fact that “Order” is a longer book, can this really bode well for fans? Even with the harsher rating of “Goblet” (PG-13, as opposed to PG of the earlier 3 films), it seems as though the presumed attention span of the audience did not go up with the rating. Can we really expect any better from “Order”?

I tried to keep myself from looking forward to it, but I watched too many trailers, and it looks good. Then again, so did “Goblet.” I’ll watch it, and review it here, if the boys don’t beat me to it. But if it’s bad, don’t expect me to go see “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,” even if you were to pay me for it.

Now onto the book. For most of us, it’s been a long time waiting for the seventh and final book in the series (since, oh say, around noon on July 16, 2005?). But then you look at what’s been said about it (officially, not fan speculation or rumors), it makes you wonder: Will the book end the way we want it to?

I’m an anime fan. Character deaths, even main character deaths, are not something I’m unused to. But with Rowling’s famous (or infamous) comment asking us if we’re so sure Harry will survive the last book (in response to why there won’t be more than 7 books) out for all of us to see…

Whatever we get, I believe I will be satisfied. I trust Rowling’s abilities to write a good book, and can only hope that, whether it’s the ending I would have picked or not, that I feel that the series has come to the “correct” ending. I don’t have as much hope for the movies.

There have been many video games that have come nad gone which set a new standard for excellence within their field. Titles which, to this day, still bring sounds of joy to any who remember them. The Mega Man 2s, The Links to the Past, The Super Mario 64s of the world have all earned a permenant place in memory. Unfortunately, Most of us not on japanese soil miss out on very important entries. Some of these lost games trump every title in their own genre.

It is my intention, to occasionaly bring up a lost title. For this I will waste no time. Today I would like to talk about one of the best action platformers I know of, Castlevania Dracula X for the PC engine Turbo.

If you’ve played a castlevania game you know the story, Belmont, Whip, Dracula. At it’s core, you could say Dracula X is just like all the early castlevania titles. You have your whip wielding hero walking to the right and battling many foes unfairly more powerful than yourself. It is not for ingenuity that this title need be legendary, but for perfection of known concepts. I cannot express the skill in level design. Each stage is requires skill without being frustrating and shows you something new along the way.

With multiple paths on every stage, four prisoners to rescue for the best ending, and an unlockable playable character, you won’t just play through this title once……that is if you can play it at all. For $100 for a PC engine, and 1-200 for the game, the only good way to get ahold of it is to wait for Konami to make a port. Which, it just so happens, is in the works for the psp.

Well folks, this is the 250th post, and with it, I’m announcing a few things. First up, the site is going through some changes, in case you haven’t noticed. We’re trying some new looks out, and doing a lot of work. Thanks to Dan and Doug for their work on this. Expect to see a whole new site soon, and with it, a new Geek Versus Life. We’re restructuring the internal workings to bring you the best content on the web, bringing in new talent. Since summer is here and a lot of the staff is still in school, there will be more posts. Please bare with us as we’re evolving, and any comments that you guys have on what we can do to make your experience here better, feel free to let me (joe *at* geek-vs-life.com), or any of the staff know.