Geek vs Life

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Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Welcome, folks. Here we are again, at our favorite horrible karaoke bar, to give you our look at Final Fantasy 4 2.

Jon says:

Actually Joe, That would be Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. They decided to drop the two, too many numbers in a row. Anyway comic books’ royal family consisting of Reed Richards (Ion Gruffudd), Sue Storm (Jessica Alba), Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) and Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), reunite once again to save Earth from impending doom as a hungry Galactus comes to fill his belly. Apparently Earth tastes like chicken.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

/grind teeth to dust

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Galactus my tuckus. Galactus was portrayed as a cloud. Not even the semi-cool Cloud from Final Fantasy, but just a big honking cloud with fingers.

Jon says:

I think that it wouldn’t be too far to say that he “sucked”.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

The devourer of worlds should not be condensed dust.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Galactus made Mega Maid from Spaceballs look like an awesome villain.

Jon says:

I still would like to contend that I saw Galactus’ face in the burning center of the cloud.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

And I think you were hallucinating, though it could just be a lack of sleep on either of our parts.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

At least the Surfer was tolerable.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Until he spoke.

Jon says:

I should probably mention also add passingly that Doctor Doom comes back from the dead to cause more trouble. He should get his priorities in order, he needs a hobby.

Jon says:

Talking about priorities, Reed Richards would rather play around in his office building gadgets than marry his wife. Sue Storm or not, Jessica Alba is hot. I guess “someone” has to save the world.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

It is Reed Richards, though. At least that was more or less correct. But, there’s a simple way that everything could have been solved. <geekspeak> Where was the ultimate nullifier? </geekspeak>

Jon says:

<geekspeak> The arrival of Galactus in the F4 happened five years into the creation of the series in issue #48. The ultimate nullifier is one of the only thing Galactus is afraid of of course. But it’s location was only then revealed to the by the Watcher whom they had met earlier in the original series, in issue #13. I think that would have made the movie less plausible. </geekspeak>

Jon says:

First off, since Galactus is a Sentient being in this one rather than a terrestrial being, showing him/it a gizmo would have been weird. Second it would have been anti climactic to just shove a something that no one knows what it does in his/it’s face a watch him/it cower away.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Yet, somehow, it would have made more sense than the plotless pile we just waded through.

Jon says:

Like a mystery appearance by the Super Skrull in the form of a powers sapping Johnny Storm after he gets a cosmic neuro-scrambler from Silver surfer.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Unfortunately, one of the coolest characters (in both my, and my father before me’s opinion) had the weakest lines in a super hero movie. On the other hand, visually, he did look pretty good.

Jon says:

His transition from “silver” Surfer to “tarnished” Surfer was well done at the very least.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

And the chase scene between him and the Torch is just begging to be an exciting portion of the video game.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Speaking of selling out….

Jon says:

I think it’s a trend that we have seen too much this Summer actually. Circuit City, Dos Equis beer, and even Dodge apparently makes an appearance as the makers of the motor in the Fantastic Car.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Are we nit-picking too much? Perhaps. Why? Because this is the only way we can find some meaning in this horrible rendition of what could have been a much stronger film.

Jon says:

Personally I never really read F4 much growing up. I didn’t expect much from this one as opposed to Spiderman 3 or Pirates. I got what I expected I guess.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Which is nothing?

Jon says:

And I got that in spades. This movie was so bad it almost made Spiderman 3 look good. Almost.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

The worst thing I came out of this movie thinking was “Oh, dear lord. I have to see this with my father. I don’t want to ruin one of his favorite characters for him.”

Jon says:

It’s not your fault Joe, blame Hollywood.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Stupid Hollywood, ruining my childhood.

Jon says:

I think that when we combine the time we wasted watching the movie and the time writing about it, we could have done something more productive. Like dig a ditch or pet kittens. Anything.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I just want that hour and a half of my life back.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

/runs away screaming to the heavens

Jon says:

/logs off

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