Geek vs Life

**Begin Transmission**

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I recall my childhood with much more vigor than I’m experiencing now. Transformers, for example, is something that I totally dug when I was little, even on through high school watching Beast Wars. On the July 2, the world is once again set to be crushed by giant robots/various modes of transportation.

Jon says:

July 2? Really? All the posters till last week all said July 4th like here: Transformers Original Poster

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Well, the official website* and fandango all say the second…

Jon says:

Actually Fandango says July 3rd, but you can purchase tickets for the 8pm screening on July 2.

Jon says:

*Announcement* Check your local listings for release date. For some reason, I think they don’t even know

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Well, with the excitement aside, let’s move on to the review.

Jon says:

It does seem to mirror the movie though doesn’t it? Lack of direction and aimless?

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

At least it was pretty.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Like most commercials.

Jon says:

Pretty was all this movie had going for it.

Jon says:

For readers who were born past the 80’s heydays of the Transformers/ G.I. Joe hour, here is a very basic premise outline.

Jon says:

Sentient robot beings come to earth in search of something. In the cartoon they are looking for energy for their ship, and in the movie they are searching for a mysterious cube called the “Spark”. The Autobots are lead by Optimus Prime and come to Earth to prevent the Decepticons spear headed by Megatron from taking the spark and ruling the universe.

Jon says:

So basically the oldest story in the book: good guys versus bad guys.

Jon says:

Except that the giant robots can turn into cars and tanks amongst other things.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Ahh, yes. The dichotomy of good and evil. A slew of GM cars/trucks versus a rather well put together troupe of armed vehicles.

Jon says:

This movie should be free on the grounds that we felt that we sat through a 2 hour and 20 minute long commercial.

Jon says:

Let’s make a list of blatant product placement shall we?

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

We shall: eBay, Ding Dongs, Mountain Dew, Xbox, Nokia, and of course General Motors.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

The plot, on the other hand was far less robust.

Jon says:

I would dare say that the plot was so thin, that two five year olds were left in a room with GiJoes and Transformers, recorded on videotape and later used to form a script.

Jon says:

It’s really sad to say that the cartoon, meant as a marketing ploy to sell more toys to children had a better plot.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Nearly 2 and a half hours of bad humor (save for a couple of decent chuckles), a script that tried so hard to make us feel sympathy for characters, and a love story so poorly put together that most soap opera seem intelligent.

Jon says:

The kid, Sam (Shia LaBeouf), even had a pet chihuahua with a leg in a cast. Nothing smells more like a sympathy ploy than putting a cast on a dog.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

And nothing says romance like Sam bargaining to erase the shadowy past of Mikaela (Megan Fox), the love of his life that he’s only been talking to for a few days and whom didn’t know who he was as she hops in his car.

Jon says:

Mind you, he did have that look of disgust when he found out she went to juvie. You can say that I just blew a spoiler here, but it doesn’t matter.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

No, story isn’t what this movie had. It had big robots and lots of explosions.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

98 percent of the time, The Transformers were done really well, and the attention to detail was wonderful.

Jon says:

Except personally, I couldn’t tell the difference between any of them once they were in robot mode. Well except for Optimus with the big truck windows on his chest and Bumblebee being yellow and all.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

It was rather difficult to tell which was which, even though they did look different.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

It was really easy to lose track of who was fighting who as huge balls of metal are rolling down the freeway.

Jon says:

Very true.

Jon says:

All in all, I think the movie is an orgy of cool visual effects, but like almost any porn, it totally lacks a story.

Jon says:

Anything else to add?

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I think that about sums it up. It was neither exceptional, nor horrible. It was pretty but lackluster.

Jon says:

I feel used though. I feel like GM should have given me a paycheck for watching this commercial/movie

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I’m writing our bill to them as we speak.

Jon says:

Excellent. I will take mine in the form of a transforming road racer, I shall call him, Hot Shot.

**End Transmission**

(post transmission: “Starscream didn’t have his whinny voice. That was blasphemy. Damn you Michael Bay.” -Jon)

See the non trailer here: