Zombie Strippers: The Movie (No, Really)
I had never been to a screening like this before. There were maybe three reporters in the whole room and the rest of the audience seemed mostly composed of people that were dragged off the streets with a promise of hooch and shelter from the rain. If they promised to laugh, of course. And laugh they did, even when it wasn’t appropriate.
Zombie Strippers is pretty much everything that the title tells you. The set up is funny though. After being reelected to his fourth term in office, George W. Bush is running out of soldiers for his war on Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, France, Canada, Mexico and many others, so he enlists the help of his own company called “W” to create unbeatable killing machines. They create with zombies. The infection makes its way in a now illegal, (due to evangelical rules), strip club and hilarity ensues.
Who’s in it? Who cares. Robert Englund of Freddy Krugger fame is in it, and honestly, that made me kind of sad. I would love to one day see him do something actually good and not a third rate softcore porn masquerading as a horror flick. I mean after all, Jenna Jameson, star of such films as Up and Cummers 11, 17 & 20, On Her Back, Lip Service, I Love Lesbians and the 1996 classic, Cum One Cum All is also the star of this movie. God help us all.
Don’t go into the movie expecting grand cinema, or hell, even witty repartee. The movie is pure schlock wall to wall. It’s an excuse to put blood covered tits and decaying boobs on the screen with little or no major plot. To add a bit of higher brow content to the film, the strippers will quote Friedrich Nietzsche for some reason, because that’s what strippers do.
Is it good? Yes, but only under one simple stipulation: beer and friends. I pity you if you actually try watching this sober. To attempt such an act is akin to attending a karaoke bar sober. You wouldn’t do that would you? Of course not. It just isn’t done. Remember the street vagrants mentioned earlier? They understood the film in a way I wish I could have, but you know… I was sober. Go with a bunch of friends, drink up before (or during), and watch the heads explode and boobs twirl to your hearts content. Because that’s how it’s done.
Article previously submitted but unpublished by the Ebbtide of SCC