While surfing around today I discovered quite possibly the greatest thing to amp me up for Zombieland (my second viewing!). гардеробиThe Miami Herald ran a story about the University of Florida’s disaster plan in case of, you guessed it, Zombies!

When I first read this I thought is was completely fake, but after a bit of research (and…uh… clicking on the link in that article) I found out that they are quite serious. All in all, its not a bad plan actually.

If you don’t want to read the Miami Herald article, you can find the PDF for the ZOMBIE ATTACK Disaster plan here.

And like I said, if you’re still on the fence of schools you might want to check out, consider U of F because, well, they can fight Zombies.

The movie is about our hero, that we only get to know as Columbus (Jesse “no-I’m-not-Michael-Cera” Eisenburg) being one of the last living people in a world of Zombies. He has survived by living in within the constraints of a list of rules that he will, under no circumstances, break. Such as “Always wear your seatbelt” or “CARDIO WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE” and of course, my personal favorite: “Enjoy the little things”.

Columbus decides to head out and find parents- who he is estranged from by being a World of Warcraft playing shut-in- in order to get some normalcy in his life. On his trip he meets up with Tallahassee (Woody “F’in” Harrelson, thank you very much), who is exactly what Columbus needed. He is a complete and utter badass who hates zombies more than pretty much anything. They killed his puppy after all, and you just don’t do that. So Columbus decides to hitch a ride and away  we go.

For reasons I won’t get in to- because it will TOTALLY be worth it to find out on your own- Tallahassee and Columbus end up at a supermarket where, after a brief and hilarious fight with some Zombies, they meet up with Wichita (Emma “my-eyes-are-so-beautiful-it-hurts” Stone) and her little sister, Little Rock (Abigail “I-was-in-Little-Miss-Sunshine-and-therefore-rock” Breslin). After a frank exchange of ideas the 4 split off in to 2 again, only now Columbus and Tallahassee are one car and 2 guns lighter.

The rest of the movie is filled to the brim with surprises, twists, and awesome stuff that I don’t want to give away. (*Hint) It sort of involves twinkies/mad cow disease/clowns AND the best cameo of 2009. As a quick side note, while we are on the subject: STOP WATCHING THE TRAILERS, STOP READING THE IMDB, and STOP GOING TO THE WEBSITE! A lot of this movie is given away because of these things and I promise any expectations that you have already will be blown away (Pun totally intended).

If I had to have a single knock against the movie, it would be that I have to wait until October 2nd to see it again. No, seriously, thats it. This movie can’t really do any wrong in my book. As an avid fan of horror movies, it is nice to see the writers and directors of this movie making a film that not only I can enjoy, but the kind of movie that everyone can enjoy, fan boy or not. It’s very funny, very entertaining, GREAT violence, awkward love, and WOODY “F’IN” HARRELSON!

Just do me this one favor… Don’t take it too seriously. In “Geek Speak” this movie is more like House Of The Dead: Overkill than Resident Evil, so bare in mind the cheesy stuff. This movie is extremely self aware, but not in that awful 90’s slasher sort of way.

Final thoughts? There is a scene where the song “No One Is Gonna Love You Like I Do” by Band Of Horses comes on. My ex ruined this song for me and this movie fixed it.  Also, I overheard a few people as I left that complained “It wasn’t scary enough” or “It wasn’t enough like Dawn of the Dead”. To you I say, “Eat me”. And again, pun totally intended.

*INTERMISSION*

The lights are dimming, I have my refills, and next up is Jennifer’s Body.

The movie is about BFFs Needy Lesnicky (Amanda “Mamma-Mia-and-Mean-Girls” Seyfried) and Jennifer Check (Megan “slow-motion-cleavage” Fox) doing what all high school girls do: Being best friends and going to a concert. An unknown band called “Low Shoulder” is playing at a local hot spot in the small town they live in and the girls doll up to see them. The band’s leader, Nikolai Wolf (Adam “only-getting-mentioned-so-Keegan-can-finish-this-joke” Brody) takes a liking to Jennifer and, after a horrible accident during the music, he takes her in to his van and they drive off. Needy is, of course, horrified and goes home to call her boyfriend Chip (Johnny “funny-thing-ha-ha” Simmons). During their talk, Needy hears a noise and finds a beaten and bloody Jennifer in her kitchen. From then on Jennifer, a demon possessed cheerleader, goes on an all-boy killing spree.

Oh, and remember Low Shoulder? Suddenly they are millionaires.

Again, this is another movie where I don’t want to give too much away. It is sort of Juno with Demons but with a lot of complex and well written undertones. It pokes fun of the same Indie Movie and Indie Music culture that made Juno such a success, but at the same time, stays completely aware of itself and never gets preachy or snarky. You know, like a hipster.

Diablo Cody proves that she can make anyone amazing yet again with her amazing writing, Karyn Kusama (the director of Aeon Flux) shows that with the right script she can make magic happen, and believe or not: Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried play off each other so well you actually believe them as long time best friends towards the end.

Therein lays my only real problem with this film. It does take till the end of the movie to really understand the scope of the girl’s friendship, which is fine, but in ONE conversation between Ellen Page and Olivia Thirlby (Juno) on a hamburger phone you can understand the deep friendship in a matter of minutes. Maybe it was lazy writing or maybe it’s that they seemed to cut a few conversations with the girls. Maybe it’s even just completely unfair to compare the two films, but since I’m such a huge fan of hers, I have to beg Diablo not to forget what makes her films great: The script.

This is another movie that you also have to not take so seriously. Is this an Oscar contender? Not at all. But it is another show of what makes movies, especially horror movies, worth the 10 bucks: Its REALLY entertaining. It’s got everything from evil indie bands to oddly placed but hilarious lesbians scenes to that same, funny, back and forth conversation we’ve come to love from Diablo Cody. Remember when that used to be what movies were about? Fun and lesbians?  Diablo Cody does.

And with that I say goodnight to you all. Both movies are must sees and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. And finally, an open letter to the cast:

Dear Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, and Emma Stone,

It’s not easy for me to say this so I’ll just say it and see what you think. I’ve been with you all for some time, watching you punctuate otherwise decent films with your lack of ability (Megan Fox), lack of strength (Amanda, and don’t even start with Mamma-Freakin’-Mia) or lack of a chance to really shine (see also: Emma in Superbad). I don’t mean to be harsh, but up until now it has been just another load of ditsy, unimportant, eye candy roles. Now however, I can safely say, those roles are far beneath the lot of you. You’ve proven yourselves girls… now get out there and keep doing it.

Your movies and have made this EASILY one of the most entertaining weeks I’ve been a part of in recent history. Congrats to you all.

Love,

Keegan

P.S. Ellen Page, you are still my one and only. PLEASE MAKE MORE MOVIES.

Anyway, here is the quote from the comic:

“OH… If you play World of Warcraft and you can, go to the coordinates 79, 73 on the southeastern coast of Howling Fjord, due south of the Explorers League Outpost, on Saturday, April 11, at 1 p.m. EST turn your flagging on and start clubbing baby seals. Why? Because PETA is f—— stupid. They’re using WoW to promote their protest against the clubbing of baby seals in Canada. While I’m neither condoning nor condemning this action, I think PETA’s course of action is ridiculous.” –Dueling Analogs Apr 9^th, 2009.

I’m a pretty liberal minded person, but for f——‘s sake, this is a whole new kind of stupid. More importantly, it is a little crazy to push any kind of politics on the general gaming public and expect it to fall on ANYTHING but deaf ears. Apparently there are activists who play this game between raids and whatnot so kudos to them for standing up for what they believe in, but really? It seems to me that unless you are really paying attention to what you’re doing, this is just going to be a silly thing that you see in the game, akin to the Undead doing the dance from Thriller.

Now the story above story, from what I can tell, is not ENTIRELY accurate. You don’t, in fact, club the seals, but instead fight a group of Horde who are killing the seals. Which on my end, seems less fun, but I guess it sets a good precedent for the players. This is only a minor consolation for me however, because like I said before… will the world really notice? I dunno, I suppose that is up for you WoW players to decide.

As for me? I may just start playing this game again to see if I can in fact, club the seals. But I roll Horde and am a helper. Please also let me know how it went if anyone goes and tries this, I’m curious.

‘’Anyone who slaughters baby seals for their fur must surely be in service to the evil Lich King.’’ – Ryan from the PETA blog.

Further reading on the subject can be found on these two websites:

http://blog.peta.org/archives/2009/04/help_battle_sea.php

http://getactive.peta.org/campaign/seal_hunt_09

BEST! PICTURE! EVER! (Keegan, of GVL)

Click here if you’d like to know my frustration.mebeli

The overall synopsis is that you are Faith, a runner. Your sister Kate has been framed for a crime which she did not commit, and you are in a world that would make George Orwell blush. Imagine the anarchy that comes when you take a peice of evidence from the crime scene… oh my… then of course, hilarity ensuses.

In this world, a runner’s job is specifically to move information from one place to the other using the rooftops and sewers as your path. So you do this, through 9 chapters and ever single moment is breath taking. The game’s use of the first person camera and in game cutscenes keeps you invovled and flowing. You may even find yourself holding your breath durring particularly scarey jumps or panting with releif after each near miss. I know I did.

Basically the game is streamlined and beautifully presented. On the right TV and the right system (cough cough getitrightforoncemircosoft cough cough) this game is pretty hard to beat. However, i’m a mean and hateful person so I did have some things to say against it. The game is wonderful but it’s short, its pretty but it had better be with all the pushing back, the soundtrack is amazing but could stand for a litle more flavor (more of a personal thing than anything else), and i’ll say that as good as the game is, it does feel a little like a tech demo. A very well done one, but it feels like with another month or two of development they could have given a bit more.

My last complaint I wanted to give it’s own paragraph. The combat system is good but not great. It works and it gets the job done, but it’s a little limited and doesn’t really ever change. You can link moves durring your runs but it’d be nice if you could with the fighting system as well. It feels like the Chronicles Of Riddick system in a game that is many years past that point.

The story leaves you wanting more and with a little stronger fighting system it would be amazing. Heres hoping for Mirror’s Edge 2.

All in all, 8.75 out of 10.

Oh and the punchline? Mirror’s Edge and an HDTV are better than sex because it’s cleaner, always looks good no matter what the light, and having a cigarette afterwards not only calms your heart from beating… but it only MILDY takes care of it. Oh and no squishy noises or clean up. All in all… if you’re not in the mood to swoon some gal or guy… try this one out. You’ll be glad you did.

In true gamer fashion a Turkish man has escaped from a German prison Solid Snake style by making use of a cardboard box.

The man hid in the box at the end of a shift of his prison job of making stationery and was carried out by a courier service along with other boxes. The inmate then cut through a tarp in the truck and jumped out shortly after the vehicle left the prison grounds. The driver eventually noticed the tarp flapping in the wind and reported the cut to the police.

Beate Peters, the warden of the Willich prison presumes that the man had accomplices outside the prison, and a manhunt is underway throughout western Germany.

This pretty much made my day… and I needed to share it with you all.

So, like many of you are aware, I’ve been traveling to visit my friends out here in the eastern wastes know as Spokane. Much to my pleasure however, there is more to do here than just drink and look at dirt all day. One such fun activity is to go out and see art openings that happen here from time to time. Last night (11/07/08) I had the pleasure to witness the opening of Harrell Fletcher and Marc Dombrosky’s art.

Mr. Fletcher’s medium was a video they had playing in the main lobby. At first glance it seemed to be a bunch of elderly folks speaking nonsense with REALLY close shots of their faces. However, I feel that the simple look of the piece was intentional because it definitely drew me in and I discovered that the people were actually quoting James Joyce’s adaptation of Ulysseys. The video is called The Problem of Possible Redemption and an excerpt can be found on his website. I highly recommend checking it out at this website you’ll love it.

The other artist who was featured was Mr. Dombrosky. His medium was found cardboard and embroidery. Basically, this collection is a gathering of signs from the homeless of Seattle and Tacoma and he embroiders the sayings and phrases. Now I don’t know a heck of a lot about art, but I do have to say that the dichotomy of sad and beaten cardboard with nice embroidery is very eye catching and very moving at the same time. This picture is one of the many signs he had on display.

Of course, all of this could not be possible without the space to show it all in. So I have to give special mention to Saranac Art Projects here in Spokane. It is a great place to show off art and is totally not for profit. You walk in and you look around. It’s pretty nice that there are still places like that around, especially if you’re like me and from Seattle, seriously, when’s the last time you saw art that is awesome for free? So if you’re out here look them up!

Their website:  http://artocracy.blogs.com/saranac_art_projects/

Their Address: W. 25 Main Street

Spokane, Wa 99201

The basic synopsis of the book is that a father and son are stuck in post-apocalyptic America. The whole world is covered in ashes and crazy people who are just trying to survive. For the most part, it’s a pretty good book. Like I mentioned before, it’s well written and it does keep you interested, but there is one big problem that I really have trouble getting past. The writer has this way of drawing you in where he references things that you should know about. In his book No Country For Old Men he refers to “good ol’ boys” and the like that most people our age know about. However in this book he references to some of the other factions existing in the world but unfortunately, it’s left up to the reader to figure out how they connect. Luckily I think I caught it, but I’m still just weirded out and not sure. Honestly, the book lacks direction all around.

All in all the story is neat because the father and son are never named, which adds a certain strangeness to the whole story, I feel like I can even connect better because I can almost find myself in that situation without names. And the scenes with the group of Mad Max-ish people and the cannibals running around are pretty intense. Unfortunately, there are at least 200 other pages where, despite good writing, you are waiting for a bus. All in all, read it if you’ve got nothing else to pick up and you’ll be entertained. Don’t waste your time if you’ve got a few old classics you’ve been neglecting. 6.5 out of 10 for all those interested in things like that.

So, I’ve been wrapped up in RPGs for longer than I can remember. Games like The Shin Megami Tensei and the Final Fantasy series make my heart go all aflutter. Therefore, you should believe me when I say that Fallout 3 being one of the better RPGs I’ve played in a long time says something. Now yes, I am willing to accept that it is just a post-apocalyptic version of the Elder Scrolls series, but honestly, what the heck else do you need? However, aside from a really cool story and a well set up system of play, there are a few pitfalls that Bethesda snuck in here again.

Let’s start with the pitfalls, since is never fun to build someone up just to break them down. (Worst of all, you never call baby when you say you will… say you will) First and foremost, there is an issue with glitches. Now, everyone who has the next gen systems, and is worth their gamer score, has played Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion. Of course, everyone who did noticed the annoying fact that if you stepped behind the wrong piece of scenery wearing the wrong kind of armor or holding the wrong weapon, got stuck in a frustrating bubble where time stops and you don’t get to move anymore. Inevitably, you are also in the middle of some ridiculously long quest and you just happen to be ALMOST to the end. This happens and it results in thrown controllers and broken flat-screens. You’d think after Oblivion’s released in 2006 and all the critics bashing the glitches, they’ve fixed some of them. Is it as bad? No, but one place in particular to watch out for it is in Rivet City, between the two decks, you’ll know it when you get there. My only other problem is was due to the game’s size, load times can be kind of a pain. The black screen glitch also rears its ugly head in both the 360 and PS3 versions. This is where you are in the middle of loading the game freezes under its own weight, and again with the controller throwing.

Other than that and another few small annoyances, the game is pretty solid. The story is awe inspiring, and the characters, though they are kind of one dimensional most of the time, have a lot of great moments hidden in the dialogue trees. My favorite part is how they work the tutorial segments in to the story. See, in most games, they attach a flimsy way of showing how the controls work with the ever useful floating text boxes. Now this game has those too, but it builds the whole thing as a “first-few-years” of life set-up. When you’re born and you pick your face, your “father” explains to the “mother” that they can show her what her son or daughter will look like; learning how to walk and interact happens when you are a year old; and the social aspects show up when you are having a birthday party. To be quite frank… it’s really neat. I know that this statement is a little 1950’s but that’s life.

All and all if asked what I thought of Fallout 3, on a scale of 1 to 10, I would ask you to stop tying down games into numbers and actually just play them. However, this is a review so I’ll give it an 8.5. Game of the year 2008? Maybe not. Game of the Month for October? Definitely. Oh, and special mention to the PS3 for having better shadows, shading, lower load times (though not by much), AI that is better than I am, and draw distance.