October 7, 2008 | The Geeks shall inherit the Earth | Log in

Effin’ Short Review: Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D

By Jon

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D

Growing up, 3D was a gimmick that mostly failed. This was actually kinda cool. Not the best film of the summer, but a fun ride and a worthy matinee for the eye candy alone. Kuddos to the witters on getting a 4.0 in their Geology class.

Bonus Challenge! How many rocks are mentioned in the film?

Effin’ Short Review: Pineapple Express

By Jon

Pineapple Express

It’s a Cheech and Chong movie mixed with buddy-cop movie.

Kinda funny, more so when baked. As they were when they made it. At this point I’d probably watch a period piece if these guys were involved.

If you’re still unsure, Pineapple Express is about weed. Hence, it will make more money on video.

A Dark Knight’s Tale

By Jon

Months ago I was reading various eulogies and “in memory of” type articles on Heath Ledger after his apparent suicide in January 08. The writers would remember such roles as Patrick Verona in 10 Things I Hate About You, Sir William Thatcher in A Knight’s Tale or Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain. It’s unfortunate that one of the best roles that the actor has ever played was one that only shone after he had expired: The Joker in The Dark Knight.

Calling the movie “Heath Ledger’s Dark Knight,” wouldn’t have been too far fetched. As clowns often do, The Joker stole the show. Highly regarded as Batman’s greatest nemesis in the DCU, The Joker does what he is does best: chaos, mayhem and wanton destruction but always with a smile.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Well, this is my first time writing a movie review, so bear with me. ^-^ (or wait, did I do one for Harry Potter? Don’t remember. It’s still my first for a movie that hasn’t yet been released…)

Anyway, I got a chance to attend the advance screening of The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian down at Pacific Place theater last night, and man was it awesome. I do consider myself a fan of the books, although, truthfully, I can only remember a definite reading of three of the seven books in the series (The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, Voyage of the Dawn Traeder, and The Magician’s Nephew). I do have some vague memories of watching at least part of the BBC rendition of Prince Caspian, but that far back and in elementary school is too long ago for me to remember clearly.

Zombie Strippers: The Movie (No, Really)

By Jon

I had never been to a screening like this before. There were maybe three reporters in the whole room and the rest of the audience seemed mostly composed of people that were dragged off the streets with a promise of hooch and shelter from the rain. If they promised to laugh, of course. And laugh they did, even when it wasn’t appropriate.

Zombie Strippers is pretty much everything that the title tells you. The set up is funny though. After being reelected to his fourth term in office, George W. Bush is running out of soldiers for his war on Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, France, Canada, Mexico and many others, so he enlists the help of his own company called “W” to create unbeatable killing machines. They create with zombies. The infection makes its way in a now illegal, (due to evangelical rules), strip club and hilarity ensues.

Jump, jump, jump around: a “Jumper” review

By Jon

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Can you imagine what it would be like to be able to travel from Seattle to Fiji in the blink of an eye for a glass of water? No 14-hour flight, just poof and you’re there, and then bam, you’re back. If you were a “Jumper,” (in the movie of the same name) then you could. Heck, you could be there and back before your show comes back from a commercial break.

A “jumper” is someone who is gifted with the power to be anywhere at any second. Call it teleportation, call it spatial projection, call it jump gating, whatever, in this movie it’s just jumping. Sounds like an almost godlike power doesn’t it?

“Definitely” a date movie

By Jon

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Some movies get such an advertising push that when the film fails to deliver, you feel kind of let down. “Evan Almighty,” anyone? Other movies get that push and they rightfully deserve it. Recent favorites that fit that bill include “Juno” and “No Country for Old Men.”

Then you fall into the obscure category of sweet films that slip under that radar. Films like “Definitely, Maybe.”

The plot revolves around a father in the throws of divorce (played by Ryan Reynolds), telling a story to his daughter (Abigail Breslin) on how he met her mother and fell in love. In an effort to keep things “mysterious,” he changes the his wife’s name and tells the story of the three major loves in his life as his daughter tries to figure out which one is her real mother.

Happiness is Warm Popcorn or “Learn French or Die”

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The Beatles changed music as we know it. When that
quartet of mop headed musicians crossed the pond in in
the 60s a wave of awakening and plain hysteria took
the hearts and minds of many. Thus, the Beatles became
a pop culture sensation becoming ingrained in the
mythos of music as we know it.

Flash forward, 2007. Across the Universe, a
rock-opera in the vein of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and Pink Floyd’s The Wall, opens and the soundtrack
hits the market. People rush out to pick up this
instant classic, not just a Beatles movie, but a well
done movie. The downside, what many growing up from
the era of the Beatles, and the generation after, have
taken for granted in the music becomes forgotten.

So you say you wanna see a revolution?

I don’t know where you live on humble reader. I know for myself I am in crags and canyons of Southern California. The temperature is the mid nineties. The sun has melted some of my CDs I took with me on my road trip. Or maybe you are in a region of the country where the reign of rain is about to begin. Fall has shown her colors. The point is maybe you want to escape indoors…to take a break from the calamitous weather. The other problem is you seen everything or more to the point everything you want to see. Well you could read a book, but if you wanna veg out I have some suggestions for you. Bear in mind you will need a region free DVD player for most of these suggestions. You can find all these originally on the BBC.

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The Ulimate ass kicking

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Out of all the sequels coming out this summer, The Bourne Ulimatum, was the one I was most excited to see. Everything else in the land of sequels, looked like a slap on the face, followed by an insult. (There was an exception, which was Ocean 13, a guilty pleasure. I also dig heist films, than most people.) Did it live up to my expectations? The short answer is yes. Go see this movie, however you really need to see the first film.

This film takes place six weeks after the second film. It concerns Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) finding a reporter, who may have information about his identity. The plot is there, but are nuggets buried between chases scenes. In fact all of Bourne films are chase films. He is always on the run in his films. Some cool chases in the film: the motorcycle/foot chase in Tunisia, the car chase in Manhattan.

Sprinkling some Stardust

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The other night I caught a sneak preview of Stardust, with my buddy, Mr. Lord. (He refers to me, by my last name. In the age of identity theft, it has been changed to Mr. Hamilton. As you can guess, Mr. Lord is not his real name.)

Mr. Hamilton: So I guess we should start with the synopsis, and all that jazz.

Mr. Lord: I agree. This tends to be the way things are done.

Mr. Hamilton: Stardust takes place in the Eighteen Hundreds in England, in a town called Wall. The town is called this because a wall runs parallel to the town. Across the wall lays a land, a magical land.

Mr. Lord: Slow down. You are getting ahead of the plot.

Mr. Hamilton: Right! In the town of Wall lives a young man, named Tristan, a clerk at a shop. He is love with Victoria-

Harry Potter V: The disorder of the Pheonix

By Jon

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***Begin Transmission***

Jon says:

It’s such a common thing to say that it has almost become a cliché: the book is better than the movie. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is alas, no exception to the rule

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Yet, when dealing with an entity such as the Potter series, expectations are typically so high, that one can’t hope for something better than a “best parts of the book” version on the big screen.

Jon says:

Unless you have been living under a rock or this is the first thing you read since being thawed out for cryogenic freezing for the past ten years, here is the story in a few short sentences.

Jon says:

Less than meets the eye: A Transformers Review

By Jon



**Begin Transmission**

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

I recall my childhood with much more vigor than I’m experiencing now. Transformers, for example, is something that I totally dug when I was little, even on through high school watching Beast Wars. On the July 2, the world is once again set to be crushed by giant robots/various modes of transportation.

Jon says:

July 2? Really? All the posters till last week all said July 4th like here: Transformers Original Poster

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Well, the official website* and fandango all say the second…

Jon says:

Actually Fandango says July 3rd, but you can purchase tickets for the 8pm screening on July 2.

Jon says:

*Announcement* Check your local listings for release date. For some reason, I think they don’t even know

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

Die Hard didn’t: A “Live Free or Die Hard” Review

By Jon

**Begin Transmission**

Jon says:

There’s a certain thing about watching certain movies that were made in the late 80’s early 90’s that demands you shut off the part of your brain which tells you “wait, that’s impossible.” Lethal Weapon, Speed, Commando are good examples of the genre. These were movies in which the hero was supposed to be one of us, a mere mortal with no super-powers, cyber gizmo’s or cool gadgets.

Jon says:

It was the age of the action hero, a man (or a woman in the case of Sigourney Weaver in Aliens) which prevail and beat the odds through pure guts and toughness. With the fourth installment of Die Hard, Live Free or Die Hard, the true action hero has returned.

Grand Poobah (Joe) says:

It only took 12 years for it’s come back, but it did. And unlike in the Aliens, it remained good, but the Aliens were of course a sci-fi series.